I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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