Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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