turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just found puke in my bra..
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
