Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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