Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Buhtt sex?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The Olympian is in my bed
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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