sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
