yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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