butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
