I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Randomize
