Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
