I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
