That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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