so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
