He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
