Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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