I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize