Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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