dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
