I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
