based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
