Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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