i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
