He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
