You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
