I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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