i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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