Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
