I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
barbara walters just said penis...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
