I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
vagina is talking i cant
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
