Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I need water and some morals
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
