im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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