Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
