she looked like the before picture.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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