is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
