I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Randomize
