It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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