this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
