it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
