he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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