He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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