Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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