dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
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Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
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I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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