I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
