Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
