a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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