help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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