conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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