I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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