I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
