im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
