It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
