We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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