My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
