Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
