those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
