When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
