I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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