I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
