ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Randomize
