Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
