Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
