Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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