If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
