gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
