her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
