honey bunches of taint.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
