I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
