soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
