It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
