If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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