these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
