What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
